deathscyther | IC Inbox

Man... sounds like something Heero would have said to me...

[If he'd ever gotten up the courage for it, that is. He's starting to see why it didn't go well, though. Poor guy...]

I wish I knew what to say... I feel like 'his loss' is a bit too callous, even for me.

Ryo's just...

['Stubborn' isn't exactly the word he's looking for, though it's not wrong.]

He's not like most people. He doesn't talk about his feelings. Even when he's sad, he won't ever cry. As for getting close to people... It took a long time even for him to admit he was friends with someone besides me.

[And Akira's still not convinced Ryo always treats Dextera as well as he should. Ryo doesn't even treat Akira well all of the time, and they've been best friends for so long.]

I swear, if I didn't know better I'd say you were talking about Heero.

[He has to laugh at that. Unlucky in love, the both of them, with guys that are incredibly similar in personality and traits.

Duo sighed, stretching his arms over his head and slumping down in the couch.]

I don't blame him, though. He was gonna be fucked up from the get-go, raised to be nothing but a soldier. At least I had half a chance at being semi-normal.

[Heero has gotten better about how he treats others, though.]

... what's gonna happen now, though? I mean, he lives here, too. Are you... gonna be okay with that? ... hell, are you gonna be okay period?

[Ryo wasn't raised as a soldier, but he was raised without any family or memories of his early childhood. Maybe that messed him up a little. Maybe some of it is that he simply isn't human, but even Akira has seen demons with the capacity to love, despite Ryo's insistence they're incapable, so that doesn't fully explain it either.]

I don't know. I never wanted to ruin our friendship. I guess I thought... maybe I could save him, but I couldn't.

[By way of explanation, he adds--] He's not always a good person. Sometimes he makes decisions even I don't understand.

[And Dextera had put the idea into his head that maybe if he convinced Ryo to accept love, Akira could stop him becoming a monster, whatever Dextera had meant by that. Now, Akira doesn't know what to do.

Eventually, he looks at Duo.]

...Sorry to drag you into this. If you want to leave, it's okay.

What?! No way!

[Duo threw his hands up, both exasperated and shocked that Akira would even suggest such a thing.]

You ragged on me for not coming to you sooner for help, and after everything you've done for me you think I'd just up and leave like that?! Come on, I'm not that much of an asshole!

[Maybe a bit of an overreaction, but damn, buddy. Don't shove everyone away just because of the actions of one person.]

I'm not leaving you to deal with this alone. Hell, I'm not leaving. Period.

[Akira rubs the back of his neck, abashed that that response.] I just figured... you have enough to deal with without my problems, too.

But thanks for listening. [Even if he still feels miserable, he smiles a little, finally, and pats Duo's shoulder in that way that's become a habit.] You're a good friend.

Well... honestly, I don't... really have anything going on anymore. I haven't seen Kohaku since she moved, she might not even be here anymore. Vriska... I'unno what happened there, but I know she's gone. I really haven't gone out of my way to make friends so right now you're...

[God, it feels so lame to admit it, especially with what Akira's going through, but...]

You're pretty much all I've got.

[A sad smile, knees drawn up to his chest.]

I'd be an idiot to not be a good friend to the only one I've got right now.

[The corners of Akira's mouth twitch up a bit further. Even if Duo's acting just out of self-interest, it's a refreshingly honest answer, after his conversation with Ryo.] Hey... Come here.

[Gently, he pulls Duo into a hug. It's nice to have someone to depend on, who depends on him in turn. They're only -- more or less -- human, and there's only so much they can deal with alone.]

I'm not going anywhere, so don't worry.

[There's no reason to hide such things anymore. He knows he's shot himself in the foot by keeping others at arm's length here. There's still a chance for him to fix that, but if he fails at it then at least he'll still have Akira for better or worse.

And. Oh. Affection. Right, that's something friends do, isn't it? It shouldn't be as startling as it is, and yet he can't seem to chase off the slight tightness that squeezes at his chest.]

Good.

[A breath, then:]

It really is his loss, though.

[Akira lets the hug linger a bit longer, if only because he thinks Duo needs it more than he does.]

To be honest, I kind of expected it. [Just not in such a... brutal way. What hurt most is the lack of consideration, not even for a moment.] I guess I should have known better than to get my hopes up.

[Ryo is Ryo, but besides that, he should be used to rejection by now. His parents left him behind as a kid, and two people he loves have rejected him. Maybe he's just not good enough for anyone.]

[It's... weirdly nice to be held.

Of course it only occurs to him now just how touch-starved he really is.]

Expected or not, he coulda been nicer about it... I don't think you deserved to be treated like that.

Well... He always does or says whatever he wants.

[And that's how they argue. Akira can't change him, only try to temper the worst of his hurtful tendencies.

Finally, he lets Duo go.]

I'll be okay. I guess I just need to figure out some things.

[Duo shifted back a bit, fiddling with the end of his braid absently.]

Does he really want to hurt you, though? 'cause that seems to be what he's doing pretty damn well right now.

[He's worried. Even if Akira tells him he'll be okay, Ryo obviously left him devastated enough to tear up the bedroom pretty bad.]

... you can tell me if you're not okay. Or if there's something I can do to help?

[Akira sits back again, looking away as he thinks of how to explain it.] Ryo's my best friend. He always wants to protect and look out for me. We'd do anything for each other. But... he hurts people because he can't feel for them.

[That's all Akira. If anything, he's almost dependent on Akira and his capacity to feel the things that Ryo can't; it's a relationship that's difficult to describe without experiencing it firsthand.]

You don't have to do anything, Duo. You're already helping.

[Greaaaat. A sociopath with good intentions. Even Heero can actually feel for people, even if he never knows for sure what to do with those feelings.

He was never really suspicious of Ryo, and the guy wasn't going around harming anyone physically so even though his attitude was somewhat off-putting Duo hadn't seen a reason to be concerned before.

Now, though...]

I'm still worried.

I can deal with him. Really, it's okay.

[Miki had always acted a little suspicious of Ryo, too, and for good reason. He can't really blame them for worrying, especially when he knows what Ryo has done and is capable of.]

[Shit. Why is this getting to him? He's the last person to feel protective of someone, especially over protective. Of course Akira can take care of himself!

Knowing that was hollow comfort, though. Physically, yes, but what about emotionally? Mentally? It seemed cruel, to force himself to continue dealing with Ryo after having his heart broken like that.

His fingers curled tightly around the end of his hair, free hand on his lap also tensing in to a fist.]

You deserve better than that.

[Akira rests a hand on the fist in Duo's lap, gentle. He really is grateful to Duo for caring, even if it's better that he doesn't get involved.]

I'll give him some space for a while. Whatever he does next, that's up to him.

[A sigh, shoulders sagging but his fingers relaxing.]

Just... be careful. Please. This place fucks us over enough. Don't start doing it to yourself, okay?

I won't. I promise.

[Akira has known Ryo way too long for that -- he's not some lovestruck stranger who is willing to let Ryo treat him however he wants. Avoiding him seems like the best thing to do, at least in the short term.]

Good.

[What was that.]

Geez. Sorry. I don't know... what got me so worked up over that...

[Embarrassing enough that he's turning red now, looking away as if somehow not staring at Akira dead on will make his behavior less baffling.]

[Akira laughs a little on seeing his embarrassment, rubbing the back of his neck.]

Hey, don't be embarrassed. It's nice that you care so much.

W-well... it's like I said. I don't exactly have friends here. It took a war to make the friends I did have back home.

[A glance back, through the mess of his bangs rather than directly, his cheeks still red and warm.]

I guess I'm more attached to you than I realized...

If you get a crush on me, too, I wouldn't blame you.

[Akira jokes, ruffling Duo's hair and getting to his feet. He's cute when he's blushing, he can't help it.]

Wh-- h-hey! That's--!

[hUFF.

Damn it!]

And so what if I do?!

IC Inbox | awashrpg

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